Beautiful Oleg and Ugly Amanita
Leader:So Oleg climbed through the oak’s sprawling branches.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And Oleg pulled himself through the banyans’ legs.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And Oleg leaped through the leafy canopy.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:Until he came upon a compound in the forest. There was a bungalow there now, and beside the bungalow was a corral. The corral was thick with flaming bougainvillea canes and grew directly from the ground up and around in a huge circle.
Chorus:A flaming thorny circle, thought Oleg.
Leader:A flaming thorny circle, thought Oleg. What a brilliant idea.This rancher must be the smartest rancher on all Orchidea!
Oy!It is I, Beautiful Oleg.I have traveled through the sprawling oaks.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And crawled through the banyans’ legs
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:and leapt across the leafy canopy.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And now I see before me the flaming thorny circle, where I last saw my oolong, Fluffy.Oy! Ugly Amanita, I want my sire back!
From within the bungalow came a voice, You can have your sire back, but it will cost you.
I have money, but not so much as I had before.
Chorus:I don’t need your money.
Leader:I have hen-oolongs, though not so many as I had before.
Chorus:I have forty hen-oolongs, though I only had four before.I don’t need your females.
Leader:Then what do you need?
Chorus:I need children.
Leader:Well, thought Oleg, who was growing weary of thinking.Go get you some children.
I need a husband for that.
Chorus:Oh, I didn’t know that
Leader:Come inside, and I’ll show you exactly what I mean.
Chorus:Come inside, and I’ll show you exactly what I mean.
Leader:So Oleg the Beautiful stepped into the hen-rancher’s bungalow.Never before had Oleg seen a more hideous woman in his entire life.Remember, Oleg the Beautiful was not very smart and couldn’t remember seeing her the last time.Never before had Oleg seen a more hideous woman in his entire life, nor his previous lives, going all the way back around his karmic regenerations.
Chorus:She was hideous!
Leader:She had silky golden hair flowing in braids.
Chorus:From her armpits!”
Leader:And supple breasts.
Chorus:Hidden beneath the folds of her obese body!
Leader:Her lips were the color of rose petals.
Chorus:But the shape of a sicrethin’s ass.
Leader:(to keep things rated PG13, the leader needs to do something to make this phrase unheard– sips from a mug, cough or sneeze, make the mike squeek, have fun with this!!)
Chorus:You’d need to leave breadcrumbs to find your way back out!
Leader:It was too much for poor Beautiful Oleg.He couldn’t think fast enough.So Oleg ran.
Oleg ran out of the compound.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And Oleg leaped through the leafy canopy
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader: And Oleg pulled himself through the banyans’ legs.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And Oleg climbed through the oak’s sprawling branches.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:And Beautiful Oleg made it safely home.
Chorus: do the accompanying action
Leader:But Oleg had no sire for his hen-oolongs, and soon his herd grew thin.But more than anything else-
Chorus and Leader: Oleg missed his sire!
Songs and Stories from A Filker’s Companion to Bedina’s War
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